2021, ALMOST DONE
What did I learn??
I’m re-editing this post again because I just learned something a few days ago but let it be known I wrote this to share with you on Sunday, I scheduled it for Monday and I canceled again. Maybe my mind knew I was going to learn a new thing in the last two days and subconsciously made me suspend the posting.
2021 is almost done and I would say, it was a year. Not so bad of a year by the way because 2020 did exist, now that was a yeaaaaarrrrrr. That year had me screaming. Honestly, I’m so proud of who I am at almost the end of the year with Christmas next week, Lol. I love how well I have grown this year and I am looking forward to what the incoming year is going to be like(asides from not being hyped up about my birthday that’s in January, I’m sure the new year spirit would get me).
With the year closing up, I want to share some of the major things I figured out this year with y’all. It might either serve someone out there or maybe someone even learned the same thing I did, either way, I hope you enjoy this.
In no particular order:
FORGIVENESS
For most of my life, I've held on to the picture-perfect idea that forgiveness means you are okay with the pain someone has caused you. It wasn't until this year(the last few days) that I found myself searching for what it meant to forgive someone.
I thought that's what you're supposed to do when someone wrongs you: Eventually, you forgive them and become magically okay with what they said or did. The last thing I wanted to do was "forgive" someone who led me to have to use drugs for my anxiety attacks. The last thing I wanted to do was "forgive" someone who led me to have to leave in the middle of class with tears hanging in my eyes.
I had the wrong idea of what forgiveness is. Forgiveness does not mean you are okay with what someone has done to you. Forgiveness does not mean that what someone has said or done to you is somehow justifiable. The definition says forgiveness is when you stop feeling angry or resentful. It doesn't say the pain stops. It doesn't say a certain action is okay. It says you stop feeling angry or resentful. Therefore, forgiveness is a choice. A hard one nonetheless, but it's a choice for you to make.
The great thing about forgiveness is that it comes to be about you, not them. When you forgive, you are showing yourself the care and love that was never thought of in the first place. You are letting go of the hatred and resentment that built up in your chest because you know you deserve more than that. You are worthy of better.
By choosing forgiveness, you are choosing yourself, putting yourself first. Hatred and resentment take up too much space in the body and soul, and how foolish would it be to let another person control you to such an extent? After they've already hurt you as they have?
You can choose forgiveness and still cry an ugly cry. You can choose forgiveness and still be disapproving of what was said or done. You can choose forgiveness and still hurt. You can choose forgiveness and still never speak to the person again. Forgiveness isn't approval instead, it's the love that was never shown to you finally being shown to you, by you, for you. Forgiveness isn't "It's okay," rather it's "I will be okay."
LONELINESS IS NOT A BAD FEELING
Most of us struggle with feelings of loneliness, which is a paradox considering we live in an increasingly social society. We often want someone there right beside us, even in situations where no one else is needed. For example, inviting a friend to study at the library where the main purpose is to complete work individually.
Well for me I learned going out alone is often not a bad outing of choice. Sure, it's always nice to have that person in your life that you do everything with, but when push comes to shove, all you have is yourself, so try going solo for a change. Even if that means taking yourself out to dinner and a movie once and a while. It will feel rewarding to know that you can always depend on yourself to show up and have a good time.
We humans must make space for ourselves too. Now, I'm not saying to regularly ghost your best friend on their birthday or run out of school because your social battery has run out(even though I did in my last week of school). In a perfect world, this would be ideal.
I am saying not to force yourself to show up when you genuinely have no desire to. For example, to not do what you don’t want to do because someone guilt-tripped you about how the university is the "best years of your life."
Stop always putting everyone else first, all of the time. You deserve to engage and interact the way you want to. It is not up to you to carry anyone's burdens or feel internally responsible for their mental state. You may leave their lap whenever you feel like it, literally or figuratively. This is a judgment-free space.
ENJOY LIFE MY WAY
I have come to learn that I don’t have to be waking in a Lamborghini to enjoy life. I don’t have to be in Dubai on a yacht to enjoy life. The littlest things are my form of enjoying life.
Now I know what you may be thinking. "Of course, I want the big things in life; I admire the pictures of BAEcation in Seychelles of people I see on the internet." However, these are mere moments of pausing, not a way of living more mindfully.
This mindset entails appreciating the little moments in everyday life without constantly wishing for something more. And as humans, we always want more. Society has invoked this idea that to be happy or equate to anything worthy of recognition, we must have everything and more; the most expensive, flashy, and impressive items on the market, wrapped up in a neat little bow.
So I suppose if staying in your bed to read a book to gain superficial satisfaction sounds like your cup of tea, then it's likely in your best interest to take the human route. You should keep doing that if you must; however if nothing else, know that there is the mindful route that is best practiced by our beloved feline companions.
LOVE MY BODY MORE
I’ve come to see that I am still growing and the constant change in my body, I can’t help it. I know I'm never going to be the girl who throws on a swimsuit or the girl who spends the entire day at the beach taking pictures for Instagram. I might never be the girl who decides to wear nice clothes and just take hot sexy pictures for the likes on the gram. That's just not me. I'm starting to be okay with that. I will be the girl who learns to love herself, though.
Every single day, I try to speak some truth to myself. My body does everything in its power to keep me alive. It does a pretty good job at that, so why do I care if a cloth doesn't look just right or if I go up a size? Every scar, scratch, and pound tells a story. It's my job to honor that story, even when it's hard.
I have realized that the number on a scale or the size on your tag isn't indicative of your worth. Speak love to yourself. Speak love to others.
I can sit here and tell you about times when I have told myself to stand up straighter or suck in my stomach. I can tell you that those moments were hurtful for me cause why should I be displeased about my body?
I can also sit and tell you that those things do no good. Do you know what is good? It's good that I have a healthy relationship with food. It's good that I'm growing and breathing and alive. It's good that I'm starting to love myself. Loving myself is a process, but it's good. Good things can be hard, but they're worth it.
And so, I'll chase the good.
In conclusion, Do you ever look in the mirror and think to yourself, "I am proud of who I have become today" Well, I find myself saying that phrase quite often lately. This year did a really good job and I’m grateful that I’m ending it better than I started it.
Cheers to the festive season.
I love you all.
Yours,
Adetutu🎅🏾❤️
So Good😊
Go roommate !!!❤💃💃