A LETTER TO MYSELF ON MY BIRTHDAY

You're getting older but the journey has just begun.

Jan 27, 2022

Hey there,

Happy Birthday beautiful(I don’t even call you this enough)

I don't know if you've heard this lately but I just wanted to say this: I'm so proud of you. I know I don't tell you it enough and I'm sorry. The truth is, I haven't found the time to just sit back and reflect on everything that's been going on or has gone on in my life. Lately, I am always so chilled and relaxed and on some days my mind is so heavy.

Then again, it could just be my anxiety.

Whatever the case, there's no excuse. I haven't been honest with you and it's time I let you know. Look at you, you're twenty, you've been alive and breathing on this crazy planet for the past twenty years. Do you know how many people don't get the chance to say that? And yet, here you are, living life day by day.

I've watched you your whole life and been with you through every single moment. Through all the highs, there are so many things you've dreamed of and achieved already with many more on your list. And all your lows, which I've watched you conquer and battle through them which such grace. Every day you surprise me with what you're capable of, sometimes I don't even think you see it yourself.

So I want to remind you of all the things you may not realize. And whenever you feel like you're not good enough or going anywhere in life--which I know happens often, you foolish person--please look these over and remember why you deserve to be a part of this world just like everyone else.

You may not notice it, but you light up whatever room you enter. Stop thinking you just blend in with the crowd.

The friends you have now will always be with you for the rest of your life. I know you haven't had the best luck when it comes to making and keeping friends. But you had to go through that to get where you are now. And it was worth it because you've found some pretty amazing people (you know who you are).

If you don't want to put on makeup today or any day for that matter then don't. Others may compliment you but in the end you'll only feel ugly for deciding to do something that society feels is a required obligation for your day-to-day lifestyle.

You will probably never get rid of your anxiety. I know it's a tough thing to hear and I've seen you struggle with it so much. But just because you can't defeat it doesn't mean you have to let it control you.

If you hear a song you like that comes on in the club and no one wants to dance with you during it, go out and dance to it yourself. It's better to get out there than bob your head along to it on the sidelines.

People want to hear what you have to say. I know you have so many thoughts swirling around in your head and you do a good job of writing them down on paper and shoving it away in your drawers or sometimes plastering it in people's faces. It's time you use your voice more.

Your dad is the most amazing person in your life, but I think you already know this. You have seen his sacrifices and the things he would do to get you everything you want. You were shown prime love and this hasn’t changed over time.

Hug your mom more and tell her how much you love her. Because she's been through hell and back lately and she's the true definition of brave. She's your best friend and lately, you've treated her as only an acquaintance. Always remember that people will come and go out of your life but your mother will always be the one that will never leave you. It hasn't hit you until recently that she's getting older and as much as you want to believe she can live forever, she won't.

Have more patience. Whether it be with your friends, family, errands, school work, or important life choices. Just be patient.

Talk to your brother more. Because there's gonna come a day where he won't be living the next room over from you anymore(that day seems to be here already or even closer than you think)

Take your friends out for lunch, go to the beach with them and make memories. Go to parties more often and get drunk together. Spend time reading together because then you will make more memories in between the moments. These are the best times you will ever get to spend together. You might as well enjoy it.

You're a damn good writer and you're going to make something of yourself someday. I can't wait to see a book with your name on the cover in a bookstore.

Sure, money can buy you a lot of nice things. But one thing it will never buy you? Happiness.

You will get on a plane one day and you will go to Greece. You will get to spend that lone time you have always wanted. Stop making excuses like no money or not the right time. The time is now.

I know you don't believe it or see it right now, but you're absolutely beautiful. One day you're going to look back and realize how stupid you were for ever thinking you weren't.

Every time you take a breath, someone is taking their last. Never take yours for granted no matter what your anxiety is telling you.

You look good in those clothes, don't let the mirror tell you otherwise.

I know you think your future career is so far away. But when you feel like you're not good enough remember to look at your matric pictures framed on your bedroom wall and those acceptance letters for schools. How excited you were to have started med school. You've worked so hard it's time you see how far you've come with your success so far too.

You have a beautiful smile, make sure you show it off more.

If you want to dance again then do it. Because you'll regret not doing it while you can.

It's okay to cry sometimes then let it fester inside you. Let it out, you'll feel better.

Junk food will always taste better than salad.

Sleeping is no longer as possible as it used to be.

Google is not your friend when you are sick, frrso stop going on it when you think you have the worst-case scenario.

Social media should not be the first and last thing you see before you go to bed and wake up in the morning. Learn to control yourself more with it before it consumes you.

It took you a good number of years to find a guy who made you believe in love and that a future with someone is possible. For most of your life you got the short end of the stick when it came to guys coming and going in your life and well he left too. Stop thinking you are defined by how people love you and appreciate you more because only you fit dey for you.

I know you're not quite there yet, but one day you're going to feel so genuinely happy with both yourself and your life that you'll look back at the moments when you didn't see the point in living and thank yourself for finding that sliver of strength to keep moving forward.

You've come so far and even though you're getting older the journey has just begun. I can't wait to see what else you accomplish.

Keep reaching for the stars.

Happy Birthday, Adetutu.

I love you.❤️😘