BREAK IN TRANSMISSION

The beginnings and the ends.

Meredith Grey from Grey’s anatomy, a medical series I binge watch every now and then said, “Make a plan. Set a goal. Work towards it, but every now and then look around. Drink it in, ‘cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow. Every beginning has an end.” 


It's 7.56 pm and I just finished packing all of my load and yes, all of my load. It’s the end of the academic year. I’m done with the pre-clinical part of medical school and I’m about to start clinical fully. 

“I can’t even say start clinical because I already started”

Nevertheless, this is like the first break I’m having this year. It’s been so long but I can’t even go into details. One thing I want to go into details of is that “Nothing in this life that has a beginning that doesn’t have an end”

As long as it starts, one day no matter how the journey is like, it’s gonna end. This is starting to sound like I’m graduating but I’m not(yet).

This is going to pan across different things but will be brief, just my unfiltered feelings. I honestly thought I would be giving this update from my father’s house but LOL, my school had other plans. 

I know, I know, In the first paragraph, I sounded like I was so sure I’m going home but we are still waiting for approval from our school authorities. (I hope they approve before you get this newsletter because I’m going to lose my shit literally if they don’t)

I couldn’t get through to y’all last week because of my exams. The exam was on Friday last week but you know, your girl had to prepare.

Awwww, Thank you, The exam went well.

Even though no one is asking me.

Back to what I have to say, “There’s an ending to every beginning”. Even if some endings might be a new beginning but at least you’re accurately sure a phase just ended.

Life generally has an ending and its death.

Death is inevitable so as some changes one will go through.

It is important to note that everyone has a different timeline. Sometimes, I honestly always felt like if we’re in the same age bracket, we should be moving alike. If you’re 19 and getting a car, why can’t I also get a car.

Chasing shadows of other people will not allow you be aware of your shadowless self.

The quicker I jolted back to reality and realize even twin siblings have a different timeline, the easier life was. 

Everyone’s beginnings and endings differ!

This piece should also contain the fact that the people I lived with this academic year are graduating and I might never get to see them again, At least in my plans, I don’t assume I’ll get to see them. Life can happen but if it doesn’t. This is like a bye-bye to these faces and it’s unintentionally breaking my heart, I can hear the crack.

“Tutu, I might never see you again, but if you ever enter New York, holla me”. Those are the exact words from a friend I made this year and I might never see again.

Sad right?

I must admit that I’ll miss them even if I had moments that I was pushed to the edge by them and I wish I could throw them out but honestly, that’s what makes you miss people the most, the loggerhead moments.

The physical relationship we had has come to an end so is everything else but also the beginning of something new for them and me.

Now, that’s a real life example of the difference in timeline for everyone. We are all in the same age bracket, got admission into school the same time but they’re graduating and I’m not because everyone is on a different journey.

As I packed some of my notes into the bin, flipping through each page, the end of this phase reality hit.

I don’t want to sound like a motivational speaker but whatever it is that you feel is mounting up and seems insurmountable, believe me, it has an end. It might take time but it does have an end.

I can’t start talking about the number of burnouts I had this year and times I even felt like entirely just giving up-the hopeless moments. But here I am at the end of something and the beginning of another.

Conclusively, you either get a head or a tail when you flip a coin. When you want a head and you know you might get a tail, that doesn’t stop you from flipping because you are sure there’s a 50% probability yeah? 

Exactement!

I added that because if you have been waiting for a sign to do something and you’ve been weighing the probability over and over again. Here is the sign.

Do that thing!

Tomorrow isn’t promised. Every beginning would surely end. Do what you can now that you’re mid-into it. 

“Just do it”


I’m going to end this newsletter here while promising you a nicer piece for the coming week. I’ve been a literal chaos the past week. I hope I’m able to get everything together before the end of the week. Thanks, y’all for hanging there with me. My heart beats for you.

(A quick re-edit. My school denied us the approval to go home with no concrete reasons. It’s pissing me off because I am just here lying on my bed doing nothing profitable. The idle hand they said is the devil’s tool. I really hate it here)

Xoxo 😘

Tutu.

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