FIREFLY TALE

The glimmer of hope

Today is the first day of April.

The April Fool’s Day.

Year over year and my mum’s prank about 4years ago still has to be the only fool’s prank I have fallen so much for. I’ve learned fast to doubt words said to me before noon on April 1st.

I remember someone confessing feelings for me on April 1st. I almost believed. I hate the pranks a lot. Easy to lose yourself into believing. 

Well, the pranks and the pranksters are all good people. I was a prankster last year, I pranked my brother and my partner then. Lmao. It was fun to see.

This year? No. I’m not pranking anyone.

My mum already called earlier to prank me. I didn’t fall for it. Lmao.

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Two nights back, I sat alone in a classroom trying to figure out my presentation. The quietness of the class felt good at the beginning but my mind soon started to wander. I had some thoughts in my head. Thoughts precipitated not because of the quiet class but because of my PMDD at the time.

You will have moments in life when you simply want to fall apart. Thinking to yourself, this is the absolute lowest point; however, no one is ignorant enough to believe that this moment will be your last heartbreak, your last time failing at something, your last very terrible, no good day. 

We will have our days presenting false smiles and fake laughs while discussing trivial topics. 

These feelings are not mutually exclusive to any one individual, but that is not to say during these occurrences we don't feel unbelievably alone. When we confide in others, despite them going through perhaps a similar ordeal, we claim that they will never truly understand which is honestly kind of true. As individuals, all of our experiences are so unique to who we are. Our diverse life stories are not always relatable in the way we wish they were.

I have gone through some agonizing experiences. I have lost someone in my life who was my partner, confidant, and best friend. They understood me in a way that most people never did. I ruined something out of necessity in order to be fair to myself and others. Just because an instance is self-inflicted doesn't mean it won't be painful.

Transitions whether unexpected or expected can be tough to cope with; that is just how life works. 

With this said, there are ways to make life a little bit easier.

At about 11 pm, I finished up the work and I was walking from the hospital back to my hostel. I was crying at this point. I don’t even remember why. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I noticed something beautifully breathtaking: fireflies. 

There were fireflies blanketing the grass with this stunning yellow glow. Something about nature presenting itself so calmly around me in contempt of the storm brewing in my head made me feel secure. 

If the world can still possess these moments, no matter the destruction society pushes upon, then perhaps I can too. 

We have choices in life. My mom would always say to me, "We can't choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond to it." As I grow up, this rings true more than anything. It is okay to have days when nothing feels okay, but after the appropriate amount of despair, you can choose to find those positive special moments in life.

Those small moments can bring even the slightest glimmer of hope that pushes you to move forward because we have to move forward in life.

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So this glimmer of hope is what I am hoping that you hold onto and let yourself know that days can be bad, moments can be tough but there’s always something to turn everything around and give you that smile. When that something comes. Milk it, use up the hope it gives you and let yourself go. 

Cliché but essential, tough moments don’t last, tough people, do. Or whatever it says. 

Happy New Month Dear Reader. I hope your month is as beautiful as the fireflies made the grass.❤️