LETTER FROM SYBIL

No one is perfect, it’s a pretense.

I don’t remember the exact day I read the book “letter from Sybil” but I do know how much life has changed since I did. It’s not an inspirational book, it’s just a children's storybook about a family that was dirty which made a family of rats move in. Well, here’s my “Letter from Sybil” to you.

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Dear Reader,

They said life could give you lemons and you would make lemonades but no one talked about when life gives you a spoilt lemon, one that can’t make lemonades. Simple trick, throw the spoilt lemon away I guess. That’s a life hack I’ve been using a lot. Whatever doesn’t suit me or makes me uncomfortable and I’m unable to control it, I let it go. It’s not as easy as the two lines I wrote there but that’s just the easy talk.

I know our communication has suffered a lot in the past month, I wish I could dump all the blame on “being busy” and pretend like it’s not me. 

Isn’t that what we all do? 

Pretend?

We pretend we are happy, pretend we are living large, pretend we are satisfied, pretend we are in love, pretend we care for people, and pretend like life isn’t flipping us in hot oil.

The pretense.

It’s so bad that the thin line between reality and pretense fades and you start to think that that’s who a person is truly. Accentuated by social media living. Expressly, fake life.

Everyone wants to be seen as perfect(including me). I wish I could say everything goes well just the way I want it or wished it but it’s in the fakeness of our reality. Nobody looks like what they are on the inside. You don't. I don't. 

People are much more complicated than that. You may think that a person has all the warmth and joy in the world, but you're completely unaware of the cold that causes an aching shiver down their spine when they're alone. 

You may think that someone has the perfect relationship, the perfect friendship, the perfect family, the perfect life. But just like you and I, no one has it all. And because of that, nobody looks like what they are on the inside. It's true of everybody. 

We're all made of ache and love and joy. We all create scenarios before bed. We all think of that one person while listening to certain songs. We all have people we miss but never actually talk about. You may think someone is living in heaven without having a single clue that they're trying so hard while holding hell inside of them. 

Trust me. It isn't always what it seems. But we all still pretend when we see one another.

It’s for the better that is yet to come, the better on the way. Because if you wonder for me, what does it feel like to live, I’ll tell you, I have sleepless nights and peaceful nights, I have my down moments and my highest moments. I have nights when I write things like,

“Dear Dr. Tutu, 

I hope one day, you’ll look back at how unmotivated you are to read tonight and tell yourself: you did that”

To keep me motivated to keep the oil burning. Because the days when I wish to give up are more than the days when I want to keep going. There are days I let happiness lead and there are days I let go to my self ache and wallow in my sadness. Nights I stay up with my pathetic self;

(Inserts text from note app)

It’s 5 am on the 5th day of the 5th month. I guess it’s been 5 months now. I didn’t stay up to write or read, or watch movies. I stayed up thinking, “how did we get here?”. I tried to sleep but my eyes won’t close and I don’t think it was fair to force it. I’m wondering, “are you awake too?” “Do you still think of me?” “Am I long gone on your list of people?”. I’m wondering a lot of things and it’s keeping my eyes unshut.How did we get here?How fast the butterflies turned to worms, the heavens to hell, and the love to null. How fast everything turned, faster than the seconds hand of the clock.

Those are the only words I always manage to put together. Words and parts of me I don’t want anyone else to see. But we all have it and it’s okay to be vulnerable.

I know it feels as if everyone around you is moving forward, and you're still stuck in the exact same spot. But you know what? That's not true. You have come an incredibly long way. You went through so much trauma, moments, trials, and losses, and they all shaped you into the human that you are today. 

Every time you went through something difficult in the past, such as a breakup, a death of a loved one, failures in academics, or family problems, you learned to hold your sadness in your palms and move forward despite. Every time you wanted to give up, you didn't; and that's why you're here reading this today. If you truly reflect on the past even a year ago from today, you'll realize you're not the same person after all. 

Therefore, the truth is that you're not "stuck” in the same spot. You keep growing, learning, and improving.

That’s what makes us beautiful and unique. I hope that after reading this, you realize that it is not too late. That life is pretty and you are deserving of something real. 

We all want to laugh so hard till we nearly wreck. We want to feel bold like the sun but sometimes we feel like a crescent moon hidden behind clouds. We want to write about how happiness feels like the color yellow and how our hearts is melting within it. 

But when we open our diaries, all we see are a few incomplete stories splayed on the pages. We can never complete a story because the story ends before we can finish it. 

But I think I'm learning to find beauty in that. 

That it's beautiful when endings come before we anticipate, that sometimes endings are different than the kind of endings we imagine and that if you just pick your soul off the floor and try with every existing power within you to dig deep, you can find beautiful goodness in that.

And remember that taking breaks now and then is not a sign of weakness. Quitting things that make you uncomfortable is not selfish. Leaving a room that doesn’t suit your brand is not pride. Refusing to tolerate people’s bullshit is not arrogance. 

Because first, you’re human, before anything else.

And you love yourself more than anyone else.

Well, I LOVE YOU too.

Your Sybil,

Adetutu.

Thank you so much for reading this piece and I am very apologetic for my truancy and the break in transmission. When the time is right, I’ll talk about the reason why. Until next time. Stay loving yourself and me too. Byeeeeee. Xoxo.