TALKING THE INTERVAL

Bridges you can’t burn

During the week, I posted the person I was with on my Snapchat and added the caption that I miss him because we’re currently in a Long distance relationship. 

Someone asked randomly, “what is it like to be in a long distance relationship?”

First things first, anyone you’re willing to take that LDR risk with is someone you know very much well that is worth it for you. Not because they can’t hurt you but because you love them enough to take the risk. It’s like you have found a connection you do not want to let go of.

“My skepticism with Long distance relationships isn’t so much because somehow I’ve ended up living far away from people I tend to care about. Family and Friends”

The first time it dawns on you that you’re going to be in an LDR, amongst your clique of friends, if you let them know you're planning on this, they'll probably tell you how cunning and difficult it is and wish you the best of luck(that’s what people told me and it’s not a lie). They told me we had to trust each other overboard and some of my crazy friends said and I quote “the four of you have to be okay with each other, LOL”.

Some also said to always stay open and honest with each other about our feelings and that communication was very important. All of these and more are necessary and true.

What no one told me was that, when you have time apart from someone you love for months, you start to come to realizations that you couldn't make before, when you two weren't miles apart. Some things that seemed foggy before become clearer and you don’t need any lens to see better. 

I don't regret the experience, but I can try to let those who plan on trying a long-distance relationship know that the independence you'll have while being away from your significant other will lead to self-reflecting and reevaluating what you want in terms of a relationship. 

This is my very first serious relationship so I have not only tasted independence, I have lived solely in it. I’ve been in some “together-ships”.  I’ve been so vulnerably loyal to someone who did not even see me as friend enough so I know ninety percent what I want and don’t want. I know what I can do and can’t do.

Even though you're still dating while you're in a long-distance relationship, you can't help but feel on your own at some points, because you're not physically with the person as much as you were before. Not getting to see someone as you used to is a big change for anyone.

Personally, the most difficult part of long distance relationship is not being able to see each other. My emotional side of me takes the lead on most days and I need that hug and reassurance pat which is unavailable.

As you spend more and more time without the person you have such strong feelings for, you can't help but feel differently about your relationship. You can FaceTime and text as much as you want, send each other gifts, plan surprises for each other and even dream about them tops-the sad truth is that nothing beats cuddles, kisses, and just being in the presence of the one you love.

Some days everything will look so perfect in the relationship with y’all being able to communicate enough and then the days where your schedule don’t match. The latter days will be more in the relationship because even if there’s no time difference, there’s a life difference. You will make plans where each other aren’t the center of it. Someone might want to say “make time for each other”

What happens when the time I make is not convenient for the other person?

You will go out to have fun, either alone or with friends. Whenever you go to a party or a bar and get hit on by someone, even if you avoid those who try to flirt with you, your mind will start to wander. You may ask yourself, 

Sure, I love the person I’m with, but what would it be like if I were single?Would it be considered cheating if I hang out with this other person?

It's not a crime to have these thoughts (as long as you don't seriously consider acting on those thoughts or take action). But these types of thoughts do come with the freedom you'll experience when dating long-distance. 

You may tell yourself, 

Of course, I don't want to be single; I have everything I need with the person I love!

In that case, you were presented with an idea that you identified as something you don't want. Setting unbendable principles makes your self-discipline even stronger.

In other cases, however, independence from your partner can be an eye-opening experience, revealing truths you were never aware of before. You may think,

I love this person and I know I'm happy but it's weird how I'm wondering what it would be like to spend quality time with some other person. 

Some of these thoughts can be confusing 

why am I thinking about someone else if I'm in love with someone?

But, believe it or not, they're completely normal to have. Just because you're thinking about being with other people other than your significant other doesn't mean that you definitely want to break up with them immediately and be with someone else. 

Reflecting on your wants and reevaluating your relationship is healthy, waking up from some certain emotional slumber too is totally normal when you’re far apart.

The truth I won’t hold back is that you will meet new people. You will meet people that seem better. You will make cool friends, attention-giving friends and physically present friends. You might even start to consider leaving whoever you are with and go with someone new(someone physically present) Especially with questions like

how am I sure they are still loyal to me? Would they ever come back to me?

But loyalty doesn’t come with bodily presence neither does the length of a relationship depend on it. 

You will be tempted as much as the devil tempted Jesus in the Holy books. The independence with long distance relationship leaves you with a chance to execute whatever you choose to. You can do what you want with no one finding out and questioning you. But the restraining question is, 

“is it worth it?” 

It's also worth noting that, as harsh as this sounds, dating long-distance allows you to see what it's like to not have that person be a part of your world. 

All couples have problems, so it was interesting for me to test whether our issues went away when we spent time apart. If the problems lessen or go away, it shows that it wasn't a problem that was too big to work out. If the problem remains despite being away from each other, this is a major indicator that the issue is clearly harming your relationship and that you two need to work on solving it. 

You will miss each other, You will crave physical touch a lot too, especially if you have spent a tangible number of months being together a lot. The distance will draw you so apart with a bridge you can’t burn. You will come to the discernment that you have sunk in deep into each other and have become irresistible parts to each other, in other words, they have your “dumb” button!

Distance does have the ability to make the heart grow fonder. But I won't lie and say that being apart from your significant other for months will automatically strengthen your relationship.

Space and distance can allow you to see things clearer and help put your relationship in perspective. Yet, it may also cause you to reconsider a whole lot.
Independence comes with realizations we were never aware of before, and these realizations can cause us to seriously question things.

Whether or not you have apprehensions, always be open and honest with your significant other so they are never left in the dark; you can't control your feelings, but you can control what you do with them.

The silver lining to all of these is that you get to appreciate the moments you spent in the past and the times you get to talk over the phone or text now, more. The little things that you probably wouldn’t have noticed normally, carry recognizance. Conversations are cherished and when you get to see each other, the moments are valued.

Also, you get to grow individually together.

In conclusion, there is no perfect relationship, friendship or even workplace-ship. There is always bound to be one or two shortcomings and issues every now and then and it is aggravated in long distance. How you handle these issues and work it out with your significant other places much value on not just you as a person but your relationship as a whole.

All said and written, just chipping it in that I get emotional on some days and I miss my boyfriend so much too and all I can do is send the cliche text

“I miss you so much, wish you were here”.

Thanks for reading today’s piece. I was quite skeptical about sharing these BTW. Thanks for subscribing, for always reading, and for always liking. Make sure to like and share today’s post too.

I might not make a post next week because I have exams. Thanks so much for always encouraging me.

I’m yours, 

Tutu❤️

Wish me luck in my exams guys✌️