“You will understand when you are older”
This phrase above is supposed to mean clarity and better perception. It’s a sentence that is supposed to represent the open-eyedness that comes with climbing up the “age” ladder. It totally meant the opposite!
Before I continue this newsletter. I’d like to quickly insert an appreciation paragraph. I want to say a big thank you to everyone who has supported me in one way or the other. Either you have liked, commented, or shared any of my previous posts. I am so elated and grateful. If this is the first post you are reading, thank you so much. I can’t express my gratitude enough. When I have money, I’ll spoil every one of you. A trip to Seychelles wouldn’t even be bad. Lol.
After almost two weeks off, I should say “back to the grind” and thank you all for bearing with me(there’s a whole lot more of this to come by the way). The hiatus was quite a productive one and every bit of the last two weeks felt like an unending loop of sleepless nights(especially the last week, I slept for only 10hours through the week) but here I am when I should be sleeping, writing this piece.
“You’ll understand when you’re older” had no meaning to us as kids. I would throw tantrums when this sentence was used because I constantly felt like whatever I am going to understand as the supposed adult, I could as well understand it now.
Plot twist, I am not a fully-fledged bumbling adult, but what that phrase represents is clearly understood by me. Maybe it’s one of those phrases that doesn’t entirely represent what it means literally, it’s a word that you have to decipher the hidden meaning but funnily, the meaning comes to you without you going to find it.
In geography and climate, there’s a rule of altitude that says, “The higher you go, the colder it becomes”
Yeeeeaaaaahhhh!!!
Adulthood is the same. The higher you go, the loner it becomes and somehow the Amygdala and hippocampus serve to work together to make you happy this minute, sad the next minute, or maybe it’s just the reality that hits you with every ticking second that is responsible for the mood alterations.
I remember reading a particular book in my junior school, I had a chance to read that book again sometimes during the pandemic lockdown and it felt like I was reading a whole different book. It had a new meaning, a new feel, and a different interpretation. I realized that growth is inevitable and the older you get, the more you start to see things differently (especially that life is not a bed of roses)
At a point in my life, I could vouch that for everything I want to do in my life, I might need people's scrutiny and a million friends following me towards actualizing the decision. Funny how I’m at a point that I spontaneously make decisions solely. It’s all part of the plan. It’s like a raging fire. The transitioning is unbelievably altering.
If only there was a school where you get to take adulting classes, maybe an adulting 101 class. Maybe we would be more prepared for all the pressure that comes with it.
Some major things no one prepared me for as an adult:
Setting goals is easy, accomplishing the goal is the task!
I’m one hell of a goal setter. From basic things as simple as brushing my teeth to tough things like passing the pass mark in an exam, I have to set my mind and have a goal. It was much easier as a child (even though I still see myself as a child or a babe or whatever I am).
I was on the phone with my brother someday and we were talking about some of the goals we set and we are yet to achieve and I realized how tough life has become. How complicated the goals we set have become too. My main goal when I was younger than this most probably was to get into my dream university which I honestly never got into. Not because I didn’t pass but because life gaaannaa flow you like a river and before you know it, you’re on a path you didn’t choose to tread. I'm here now and my goals, Boohaha. They’re extremely long-term and difficult to actualize. Talmabout finishing med school, getting myself a car, making moreeee money, LOL. Money leads me to the second thing.
Spending money is easy, making money is difficult
A life without money is depressing but what’s even more depressing is knowing you once had that money but you have no idea whatsoever how that money fleeeewww away. Honestly, I remember how my parents would tell me on payday that there’s no money and I would wonder in my head, “didn’t you just get paid?” It all made sense when I had to start doing things for myself by myself. One minute, I’m checking my account and smiling and the next, I’m frowning because I no longer have money just after buying the basic things I need for myself. Maybe the kind of school I attend makes it more difficult but damn, living is so expensive. The bare minimum, buying food. Refueling your stomach to stay alive. Oh Good Lord! Surviving is expensive. To look fresh and fly, you’ll have yourself going crazy! I guess that’s why I opted out of my a babe race.
Friendships are majorly temporary
If you have that one person or those people in your life who are your true friends. I’m not talking about people that come around when you have the dough or because they need your help or people that come to you like they want to help but just want to feed their ears. Not those kinds of friends. I’m talking about friends that care about you without you offering a penny, friends that literally see you for you and beyond cash and flash. Yeah, that friend. You’re extremely lucky. Somehow all those friends tend to vanish as you grow older. The friends you have as an adult are people who you are trading something for something with and as soon as the trade is done, y’all over. It’s lonely up here trust me. Once you’ve found one or two close friends, the rest is history, and no matter where they are in the world, distance is a social construct. As long as people want to be there for you, they will be there.
Sadness becomes an everyday thing
I know this might be triggering but in reality, you and I know this. The constant evaluation of your every step starts to affect your emotion centers.
The way your brain functions as you grow older changes. The anxiety and fear of not attaining everything you want will make you sad. Disappointment of being close to having what you want but sent back to the bottom of the ladder, people you care the most about leaving your life because they have to achieve their own life goals just have you laying down sleepless in the middle of the night sad and empty. The crazy part is you have to get up the next day to keep going because the train doesn’t stop, at every station, there’s just the loading and unloading.
You lose yourself, you find yourself
I think this is the point I’m at. The losing yourself to find yourself. The confusion, the haziness. A lot of changes you can’t even control. I met a friend during the last week and we’ve not seen in about 2 years(blame this on my introverted self because we are in the same school, LOL). He was like “OMG, you’ve changed”. At first, I thought he probably wanted to refer to the fact that I’ve added weight. He negated and said he meant as a person like the way I talk and act. Well, he isn’t lying. A lot has changed in the last week not to talk of a year or two. You find yourself changing and it’s uncontrollable. You find yourself tolerating things you don’t think you’ll ever tolerate and flaring up at things you thought you might have taken in. You just simmer in the changes thrown at you and you don’t understand what’s going on and you’re just there trying to find a balance and this is me.
There’s a whole lot more of things no one prepared me for but I will just round this up here with saying that “not everyone is your cheerleader, a lot of people would constantly be scrutinizing your life to know when you will fall. And others using your successes as benchmark for theirs. It’s the major adulthood scam! The porky pie for sweet sensations.”
Thank you all for reading today’s piece. I appreciate all the love guys. Till next week, stay adulting and surviving. I love you.
Yours,
Tutu❤️❤️
Your creative writing is sooo on point🔥🔥🔥🔥💅
💯♥️♥️