THE DRUNK TEXT

An open drunk letter from me to you.

This piece was written under the influence of intoxication. Some parts might not add up but you know how this works.

Dear reader,

Rain fell every single day in August. I guess the skies understood how I felt and decided to do the crying for me. The weather was in my favor and the cloudy days represent how the days went by slowly with me not sure of how everything is going.

It’s been two whole months of not having a good night's rest and having to be guilty of every single thing I do outside of studying. This is my life, fun, sad, and a mixture of everything sweet and sour.

You might not be aware but I’m letting you know how things have been getting weirder, more chaotic and I’m getting more knowledgeable whilst also getting to the end of what seems like this phase or maybe this posting or semester or whatever this is.

But then, what is going on??

A question with no prediction and no solid answer whatsoever. It’s just the way of life in my line of life. Out of context,  In my own littlest way I’ve been taking moments in between all of these confusions to truly look out for myself and even for the people around me. The days seem to be a blend of all of us being able to relate to what seems like long-suffering and our realization of how things are easier said than done.

I can’t say I have been there for you or I’ve been able to communicate with you as much as I originally planned but the boredom of being able to live life the way you plan can be frazzling so I seem to be enjoying the plot twist that has been thrown in my way and I submerge myself in this twist and allow myself ravish the moments.

I want to get mad at everything going on. At my sleepless nights, at my not being able to keep up, at my long hours' classes, at my playlist with only 6 songs, or my really hard bed. But I can’t and I won’t. These are things that at some point in my life, I prayed for it. I wished for it and I’ve got it. I know I seem to have a lot more wishes now but then I am living in a moment of my previous prayers. So I am living in it and I deserve to enjoy the pain and pleasure.

I don’t have a pressing iron but I never wear rumpled clothes shows how important human relationships are. No one is an island or no one is supposed to be an island, whatever John Donne said there, I believe you get me.

I just mean to say, I am glad of the people I have in my life, you most inclusive. You know how sometimes, you’re entirely fed up with everything but having people who are also fed up and you’re left with no choice but uplifting each other’s spirit is one of the many reasons I’m glad I am a piece on the chessboard, maybe I’m a pawn or a king. I’m worth it. 

I got sunk deep in my unassertiveness on rendering helps a lot this month but I barely allowed it to last because I just replayed the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme and figured out why I should be a lot more of a helper and just help a friend to avoid being in their situation and helpless too.  Jill came running after jack or anything that was. I don’t know but my confidence in helping got better.

I and my course mates are desperately waiting for this posting to end so we can have a more relaxing and a little bit of time ourselves because we’ve been in something that seems like a time loop. This posting turned out differently than we envisioned it and this was supposed to be our “catch a break moment”. And... that’s okay. No posting is going to be perfect and there will be ups and downs that make us wonder if we are doing the right thing.

But, truth be told, there is never a “right” thing or answer to how the posting goes. Every posting brings a new set of challenges, unpredictability, and obstacles all in one posting of few weeks. And we only have a few weeks to get through these obstacles. Once the posting is over, our time of fighting would also come to an end. And it’s on to the next.

Although challenges aren't necessarily a good thing, I learned these few weeks that it is okay to be vulnerable and show my open paper cuts and wounds. It's part of growing as a medical student, but also as a person. I have always been so used to wearing a shield over my wounds, that I never knew they existed until a blister ended up popping. And.. there is nothing wrong with showing an open blister.

On this note, I am going to end this with a line of Falz’s song that says “Everyone is a motherf*** hypocrite”. He didn’t entirely lie because we(You and I) are all hypocrites. There is not a single person in this life who consistently acts in agreement with what they believe or feel. And... we constantly judge other people in our minds for doing things we might seek after to do if we could. 

Pastors that sin, doctors that smoke, teachers that cheat in exams, police officers that steal, nutritionists that are fat, financial advisers that are broke and live paycheck to paycheck, the list goes on. Everyone is a hypocrite but that doesn’t allow us to dismiss whatever it is we have learned from them. Rather, we should research the information they give us and form our theories.

I’m a hypocrite too. I don’t entirely follow every piece of advice I have ever given. Just maybe, sometimes, my advice is the truth. You’ll find that out yourself.

I’m going to end this letter here in the hope to write to you again soon. Maybe a letter or maybe not. I hope I can communicate with you as soon as I finish my exams. 

And just before I drop my pen, I want to wish you an amazing September. I hope the month makes you as happy as writing to you makes me.

Yours,

Adetutu❤️